2014-08-21 / Sandy Days, Salty Nights

SANDY DAYS, SALTY NIGHTS

Skunk Ape erotica

I’ve recently been tromping around the Everglades looking for the Skunk Ape, a Bigfoot-like creature rumored to live in Florida’s swamps. According to most reports, the Skunk Ape stands 7 feet tall, is covered in reddish-brown fur and has a distinctively bad smell. He spends his time wallowing in alligator caves and likes to dine on fruits and nuts plus the occasional deer or wild hog. The Skunk Ape is usually seen walking on two legs and carries himself like a man. From a distance, you might mistake him for any other big guy.

One evening last week at dinner, I explained the Skunk Ape phenomenon to a group of international friends, people for whom Florida still seems exotic. As I was comparing the Skunk Ape’s attributes to Bigfoot, one of the men there, a writer, asked if I’d ever heard of Bigfoot erotica. I nearly choked on my steak.

“Do what?” I said.

It turns out he wasn’t lying. Earlier in the year there was a brief media frenzy — which I somehow missed — around author Virginia Wade, whose erotic e-book series about Bigfoot nets her $30,000 a month. That’s a lot of book sales. Who knew so many people could be turned on by a tall, hirsute hominid? yt I’d give you the name of the series so you could check it out for yourself, but the pl title is so raunchy I wouldn’t dare print it here. Suffice to say, the book’s leading man, a Sasquatchuatch named Leony Leonard, a has some truly stellar attributes. LikeL that early scenee from 1987’s classic “Harry and the Hendersons,”dersons,” where the Henderson family iss sitting around the kitchen table debatingng what to do with their new Bigfoot friend.iend.

“We’re talking aboutout a living, breathing breathhe being here,” the mother says.

“We don’t even know what it is,” says the father’s character, played by John Lithgow. “Male or female.”

Their teenage daughter rolls her eyes. “Definitely male.”

“How can you tell?” the mother says.

The daughter gives her an emphatic look.

“Oh, don’t answer that, honey.”

In addition to Bigfoot - erotica, there’ss a host of other peculiar uing genres, including dinosaur smut with titles such as “Taken by the T-Rex” and “Running from the Raptor.”

Much like the naughty tales that feature Sasquatch, these stories favor outdoor settings and heavy use of animal pelts (for bedding, for clothing). It’s not my thing, exactly, but I suppose I could see the appeal.

The point is this: Tastes are variable, unexpected at times, and often inexplicable.

I recently revealed to friends that I found the original Robocop sexy and was stunned to learn that’s not a universal sentiment.sent Who am I to judge if a segmentseg of the population gets worworked up over Bigfoot?

In fact, I’m startinstarting to wonder if there isn’t room for another salacious literary ggenre: Skunk

Ape erotica. I’ve been ba casting about for a new writing project, and for a whilew Ia now

I’ve told anyone who asksa that

I’dI’ w love to write smutty books.bo And whatw better te way to do smutsm than in the swamps of

SouthSouT Florida?

Thankfully, desiredes comes in manym forms

— evene the big, hairy,hair smelly variety.varie ¦

— Artis Henderson is the th author of “Unremarried Widow” published by Simon and Schuster.


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