Taking another look at May-December

When it comes to younger wives, we’ve bought the stereotype. We believe that older, lecherous men regularly prey on young women, swapping wealth and security for nubile scintillation. Funny that this should be a defining image of our dating culture, when it’s often not the case. The women are rarely as young as we imagine.

In fact, at a recent wedding, most of the older men escorted younger dates. But the ladies were hardly co-eds. In fact, many of them were in their early 40s. So what if the average age difference spanned 20 years?

I imagine that for the first wives — in their 60s, like their ex-husbands — these second wives look like young hussies. But from this side of 40, it’s not so bad. Truthfully, divorce and remarriage are part of the contemporary American experience. In the old days, a man took a mistress and a woman took a lover and the marriage soldiered on. Now, husbands are cutting their first wives loose, often at the moment when the husband achieves personal and professional success. Those women who stuck through the lean times, who sacrificed sleep for infant children, who forsook miniskirts in favor of sweatpants, are tossed aside in favor of younger brides.

Which is why women need to get ahead of the curve. In love, as in all things, the best defense is a strong offense. Instead of chasing after men our own age, perhaps we should set our sights higher — or, rather, older. If women are resigned to the idea that a man will dump his wife at middle age, then why not put our efforts into a successful older man instead of one who already has a foot out the door?

The great thing about these relationships is that we don’t have to be 18 to make them work. Any of us — at any age — can attract an older gentleman. If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, then so is youth.

On the plane back from the wedding, the cabin’s air conditioning system locked into hyperdrive and cranked out a stream of frigid air during the flight. I wrapped a cotton scarf around my shoulders he had a good build. He was neither sleazy nor lecherous. When I thanked him for the jacket at the end of the flight, he replied with a polite, “You’re welcome.” His confidence impressed me.

Now that I’m fast approaching 30, and emotional maturity and financial security carry more weight, I’m reevaluating these relationships. Perhaps it is better to marry a handsome December than be disappointed by another May; otherwise we might find ourselves looking again in late November. 

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